A few weeks ago a friend of mine was having issues in relationships. He had told me that he asked his wife to help him learn to love her again. What he did not realize until just then, it was not her who was broken. It was him. We went on to talk about what made him happy, what he needed to do, and what the future holds for him.
At one point I asked him “How do you expect her to love you when you do not love yourself?” He went competently silent. I knew I hit something with that question. We both knew it had been a very long time since he was happy with himself. I knew when it happened but I wanted him to see his own path. Seeing the road you have walked yourself makes it easier to see where you need to go. There is an old saying “How can you know where you are going if you do not know where you have been?”
Many things can contribute to falling out of love with yourself. It can be because you are grieving for the loss of a loved one. It could be due to living an unhappy lifestyle. It can be you blame yourself for a broken relationship. It could just simply be depression. After a while you can not even smile at yourself in the mirror. Instead of a person, you are more of a shell just going to through the daily motions. Life then is more about the duties instead of the moments.
Here is what I had my friend to do to reconnect with himself.
1. Write down 5 things you feel like you have lost along the way.
2. For each of the 5 things, write 3 ways on how to fix or achieve that again.
3. Post your list somewhere visible.
4. Read the list often and motivate yourself to do better.
When you write it down it makes your goals tangible. When you look at your goals often it keeps them constant in your brain. The more you think about them, the bigger chance you have of doing them. If you do what is on your list to improve yourself, you will start to love yourself again. It is all about the perception. Great things happen to those who think greatly. Steve Jobs did not become who he was by wanting to be mediocre and neither should you.
It is important to love yourself first. Then you have the love to give someone else and the feelings of taking in someone else to your heart. If the heart is cold and closed to yourself, then it is closed to everyone else. It is not selfish to think about things that make you great. It is not selfish to act or promote the good sides of yourself. What you love about yourself, others will love as well.